I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
