So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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