k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
