You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
