I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
