dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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