mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
