ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
