So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
