Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
