Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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