have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
