Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
