Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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