He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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