your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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