Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
soo... how was my night?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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