When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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