I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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