She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
