I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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