if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize