Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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