video games are the ultimate cock blocker
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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