I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize