I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
