it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
