I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
