Moan for me like Helen Keller
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
