I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
