i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
