yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
