She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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