When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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