dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
