Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My breasts were aching with rage.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
