I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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