1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm jealous of your bromance
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
