Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize