Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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