At least make sure they are 18
Why
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
