Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
