new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
