im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He passed out mid-signature
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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