could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
