dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
