We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
be right there i have to get my cape
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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