Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
