He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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