my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
