If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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