Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
