mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
