The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
