ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
