turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
