Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize