walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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