I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
