There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
