I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
