alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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