I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
