So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This is classic penis vs brain.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
