I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
