i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
