Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize