Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
