Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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