Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize