she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
