This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
