I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
