loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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