When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize