wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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