Michael Bay diarrhea
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize