A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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