pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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