all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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