it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize