I'm going to jail i love you
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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