my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
