Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
