took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
