saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize